S.A.S syndrome

S.A.S Syndrome

I am a parent and I am suffering from S.A.S SYNDROME. Thats School application stress (S.A.S) for all United Kingdom residents.

This is the right school for you Primary 

Sorry, just had to get that confession out there....

So for those of you who don't live in the UK or whose kids are still under four, allow me to explain this phenomenon which has only really cropped up over the last decade or so. This is because of the perception that most comprehensive schools are rubbish and grammar school or church school is the best. This is a whole different subject so I'll cover that in another post. For now am just looking at S.A.S.

In the U.K. every October thousands of parents have to go through the process of applying for Primary, Secondary or Tertiary places for their offspring. This process is now done online through a centralized computer system that supposedly matches the applicant to the school with a place out of their six available choices for primary and secondary education and five choices for tertiary education. Sounds simple right? Definitely not simple!

Its a process rigged with catches where you as the parent start to panic about everything from not living next to a 'good' school to not choosing the right university course for that teenager who is about the embark on one of the most important periods in their lives. The process is designed to encourage self doubt. Even the application list for primary and secondary school encourages self doubt with its preference rating for schools. The idea is that you list the schools in your application according to the one you like the most down to the one you like the least. I mean you look at the list and start to wonder if you should put the the school you really really want but don't actually live next to first. Or should you be practical and put the school you actually live next to but hate with a passion because the kids at the chip shop after school do nothing but scream like banshees and shout like gorillas being let out their cages every afternoon at 3.30pm. I mean talk about pitching the "practical parent" against the "aspiring parent" or the "I'm too hippy/pally with my kids to be a parent to actually parent so i'll let you choose schools" against the "you will do what I tell you at all times and I don't care if you hate the look of the school or don't want to go to the same school as your older sibling parent". It's a conspiracy against parents!!! OK, maybe not but it can feel like it sometimes.

For those of us who can't try to rig the process by moving house to get into that sought after primary school or secondary school (Yes this does happen, and is quite common!); October is the probably the most stress filled month of the year before Xmas. It even beats the School summer holiday for stress levels. At least the sun is shining during the summer (well kind of !). Summer months are definitely warmer so this makes it all seem a bit easier to handle. In fact here's an idea. Why don't we have this school application process during the first week of the summer holidays. Lower stress levels as the sunshine keeps people smiling. It's the most expensive air fare week of the entire year so most of us can't afford to jump on a plane anyway which means loads of people are around for school visits. Yes lets do that.

Maybe someone will start a campaign.

PLEASE.... someone start a campaign. I am too busy dealing with my S.A.S.

Am going to do some yoga now for S.A.S relief

Until the next post!

Ditch the back to school guilt

Back to School Guilt 

As this post is being written most of you with kids will have just completed your first week back to school. And what a week that was! Catching up on school friends news and school news. Finding out who did what during the holidays and what's new at school is now lodged in the back of many a parent's brain to be stored and called upon as needed. 

As we enter the 2nd full week of the school return, my mind turns to those that are starting primary and secondary school this year and those that are ending their primary and secondary experiences. I look at the mum and dads dropping off their 4 and 5 year olds to their respective reception classes, the strained look on some faces as they encourage their little people to head into the classroom and it makes me ask the question - Why do we feel so guilty that first time dropping our kids to school? 

Is it seeing that little person looking so formal in their brand spanking new uniform (even if they are now big 11 year olds) something that automatically makes us suddenly reflect on life and what's next for our offspring? The questions that churn in the parent mind  such as what will they encounter in that big classroom today (without us)? Will they like what's on offer for lunch (a lunch we didn't provide)? Will they remember to wash their hands after using the bathroom (because we are not there to remind them and most of our kids are just nasty right)? Even when they get to secondary school and are perfectly capable young people we still feel guilty for not dropping them at the school gate, not being in the classroom to help fend off the bullies (because it goes without thought that all classes have bullies), not being there to guide them to all these classes they are expected to find their way to after only 2 weeks in this new school. So many many thoughts run through the parents head that the stress then builds up. 

The guilt is inevitable but the guilt is destructive. Destructive for both the parent and the child. Children are at an advantage. They have no such guilt and therefore none of that additional unnecessary stress which ultimately means that they just get on with their day. Guilt free! Yes Guilt Free! 

So with that in mind I have a few suggestions to stay that guilt free (kick them out of the car at the school gate or as close as possible to it) type of parent in first weeks of new to school. 

Here are a few signs that your child is happy to go to school (because even us experienced parents have to be reminded sometimes). 

1. Walking off into the classroom before you have the chance to form the words 'Bye Bye' leaving you hanging man! - Hint: A Happy child!
2. Running towards the school gate, leaving you dragging your ass behind at slow poke pace because A. you had one glass too many last night or B. you have the prospect of a desk and no daylight for the next 8 hours waiting for you or C. both option A. and B. combined with the ridiculous annoying colleague who always wants to disrupt your day with their inane chat about not finding the right shoes! (torture) - Hint: That's a happy kid!
3. Telling you that you can go once they reach the top of the road and you are nowhere near the school gate hence less opportunity for you to cramp their style - Hint: Very HAPPY kid! 
4. Telling you that they will be late because they have joined the Gymnastics Club, Football Club, IT Club, Chess Club, Debating Group, Netball Club and any other club that they could find to throw into the mix just because they have their own door key now club! 

See what I did there? 

Happy Kids, Happy Kids, Happy Kids 

So stop worrying

Take a deep breath 

Pat yourself on the back 

and let your kids get on with their day. 

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!!! 

School Summer Holiday Mania

School Summer Holiday Mania

And so it begins... 6 weeks of kids being on school holiday and 6 weeks of deeply disturbed working and stay at home parents trundling around England trying to stay sane in the case of parents and trying to have adventures in the case of the kids.

As a freelancer I am not obligated to be in an office unless under contract (or to put it crudely - tied to a desk ) unless I choose to do so and this summer I am taking a summer break. My contract ended just before the summer and it just made sense just to tighten the belt and not stress for a month about how I would meet the latest deadline and keep my (very active) kids happy for summer. But I've been lucky to have that option this year. A lot of parents (including other freelancers) will not have this option so I am definitely not complaining but it has given me some time to reflect about the summer holidays.

Summer means so many things to so many people for all sorts of reasons and with all sorts backgrounds.
I am writing about it from a western middle income perspective and so the issues below are so totally first world issues so do forgive me if a lot of what you read next will simply turn your stomach!

On that note, lets start with the little people. When you are a toddler Summer just means you don't have to wear that stuffy coat your parent keeps stuffing you into before allowing you to go out the door (and thats just the nice expensive in some cases denim premium jacket!). When you are a early years primary school goer aged 5-8yrs, its a magical time to go into the garden or the park and be able to run free to be a pirate or princess in world you create.... ok so i let my nostalgia run away a bit.... its more time on the tablet you got for Christmas! When your 9-11yrs its a time to be out with your friends all day every day (if you have a parent at home) or a time to learn new skills and hate every minute at computer clubs or French club (if you're lucky). And when your in secondary school its pretty much the same as the last statement until you turn 16 at which time of course you just hang out at your friend's houses or your house watching TV, chatting, playing the X-Box or Playstation or whatever consoles happen to be in vogue. In my day (showing my age) it was Nintendo. So essentially for little people summer is freedom from school and in some cases watchful interfering eyes (am thinking of the boys that I have been told have recently discovered free-climbing here).

Summer Holidays for the parent on the other hand is a whole different ball game. Its is not a HOLIDAY!. I repeat it is NOT a HOLIDAY!. It's more like a CON ME DAY for 6 whole weeks. So by this I mean we get CONNED by the airlines and travel companies and hoteliers who charge us 50% more to take a family break. We get CONNED by the activity companies who charge a whole week's wages so we can have the pseudo satisfaction that our sprogs will be at least 'entertained' while we go to work. We get CONNED by our own offspring who repeatedly ask for money for ICE CREAM. Why do you need ice cream in 17 degree heat (and i use the word heat loosely) anyway? Do you see my point - Summer school holidays for parents can feel like Punishment.

But then there are those special moments.. You know the ones... don't pretend like you don't know what i'm talking about. Yes! the moment when little johnny/jane or big johnny/jane discovers something new and exciting (world changing even) on that rare family day out.  That day the 10year old got to go to the shop all by themselves because you now have it your brain that its safer now the summer is here. That day everyone remembers when no-one argued and there was plenty of laughing. That day you turned into a kid again and chased everyone around with the garden hose or allowed yourself to be buried in the sand hoping they wont leave you there until the tide comes in. That day when you get that hug and a whispered 'Thank you' for the ice cream or the game in the park. The sun, the twitter of nature, that warm but safe feeling and all the countless days when you really see the Joy in Summer School Holidays.

That's First world middle income Summer Mania...Maybe not such a bad 'problem' to have after all!!

Journey to an organised house

It started around Xmas... that nagging thing of wanting to get organised, wanting a new kitchen (ok this bit started a few years ago) and wanting to have everything in the house with its own place to be. Basically I was fed up of clutter.

Although my house has never been a complete mess, there were always a few things that never got round to getting sorted. For example the Kitchen cupboards. A total meca to disorganised life. Pots and pans chucked in, glasses and cups in one bit, plates in another (no order here except for size) and food and spices chucked in where one could find space.

It always felt as if there wasn't enough cupboard space for anything. Without realising it this was slowly getting worse and suddenly it got on my last nerve just after xmas. You know the days in between xmas and new year - the 'dead days'. Where you don't really know what to do with yourself as you're stuffed from xmas and partied out but you don't want to spend too much money before New Year. Yes, I'm sure you recognise this state of suspension especially if you have got to my age (kids or no kids).

So what do I do. Start taking out everything from the cupboards of course. One big bin bag later, a trip to the pound shop for some cheap baskets (no one will see or care that these are storing my kitchen bits!) and I finally have a kitchen that didn't feel small. Instead it became functional. Put stuff in the basket and slide pull the basket out when you need something. I also used food plastic containers from the take aways we have had. You do need to thoroughly wash these first though but because it's clear plastic you can see in a instant what spices you have and pull out the box you need. The restricted space of an open container also forces you to store things neatly.

Sounds so simple  Took me ten years but hey everyone has to work at their own pace right?

Now for a brighter kitchen.... cue the spray paint.

Read about how this

was transformed into this

without the pain of picking up a paintbrush myself.