Last year I had a Birthday celebration for my 11 year old. It was a simple gathering. Her and a few of her friends went to a climbing lesson at the local sports centre and then came back to our house for pizza. It was 6 children in all as this was the booking I could get with the sports centre for a day close to my daughter's actual birthday. Now here is where it got tricky!
Who do you invite?
I left it to my daughter to chose the 5 other boys and girls that would join her. Which of course meant that some of her friends didn't get an invite. There was no malicious intent it was simply a question of numbers. However, it is this question of numbers that can really get a parent into trouble. Especially with other parents who feel that their child should have been one of the 5 children and so decide to take out their frustration by avoiding you at all possible costs. But at least they didn't say 'cash me outside!' ☺. I'm not about that life!
The reaction I thought was a little bit over the top. But looking at comments on Mums website NetMums the responses were quite mixed and led me to think of this 101! guide for Birthday parties; which I feel maybe should be given to every parent alongside their starting school pack just to remind them that a 'non-invite' does not mean your child is not liked. Nursery/Primary school age seems to be the time when this situation is likely to occur the most. By the time they get to Secondary school we don't know half their friends and our kids tend to (THANKFULLY) selectively invite people to more small events like paint-balling or cinema anyway.
I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination (in particular my crazy imagination). This guide is just a suggestion for those like myself to refer back to when faced with this dilemma.
It's just a suggestion!
Everyone has feelings and of course it is only natural for parents to be protective of their children. But if with every party 'non-invite' we pass on the idea to our children that not being invited to something will always mean that you are not liked; we could be setting them up to have a pretty pessimistic view of life. We all need to the skill of Resilience in life to deal with adversity. For example I could only get 3 likes for my profile pic on Facebook but I still know I am beautiful!
Seriously though..do you really want your child to go through life being the 'people pleaser', the ' one who always says yes' because they don't have the confidence to say no? The one person that always gets taken advantage of. Do you want them to be the type of person that only values the 'superficial' over the 'real' in life or even worse not be able to distinguish between the two? What did you say? - You do! Stop reading now! For those of you who don't want this path for children thanks for sticking with this post so far.
Resilience is an important life skill. Well it must be... why else do teachers and education experts keep talking about it? Resilience_in_schools_health_inequalities Report 2014. It is definitely a skill some of us as parents were never taught in school or at home and so had to learn the hard way. So where better to start teaching this skill to our kids than with the inevitable 'non party invite' situation.
It's just a thought!
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